The holidays are over and I think everyone is getting back to “normal” – whatever That is!

The frantic shopping frenzy is done and all that remains are a few stories about shopping.

I have one. I was in a store looking for a CD holder for my husband’s gift. Well, I was standing there with a cart and looking them over when a man came hurrying up with a sales person asking some question…standing right in front of me, without so much as a “Pardon me”…Well, I moved and made a little cough, both the sales person and the man looked at me with a surprised expression. Then the salesperson asked if I was with the man. “No” I said very quietly. (Yes, I really can be quiet when I want to be.) But I had the oddest impression that they truly did not see me standing there.

Amazing how people can become invisible sometimes isn’t it?

Now, resuming our product “warning labels”:

Assurances:

“Safe for use around pets.” — On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter.

———————————————-

Small Print From Commercials:

“Do not use house paint on face.” — In a Visa commercial that depicts an expecting couple looking for paint at a hardware store.

“Do not drive cars in ocean.” — In a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean.

“Always drive on roads. Not on people.” — From a car commercial which shows a vehicle “body-surfing” at a concert.

“For a limited time only.” — From a Rally’s commercial that described how their burgers were fresh.

Signs and Notices:

“No stopping or standing.” — A sign at bus stops everywhere.

“Do not sit under coconut trees.” — A sign on a coconut palm in a West Palm Beach park circa 1950.

“These rows reserved for parents with children.” — A sign in a church.

“All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for.” — A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire.

“Malfunction: Too less water.” — A notice left on a coffee machine.

“Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone.” — On a form in a clinic.

“You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.” — On a bag of Fritos.

“Fits one head.” — On a hotel-provided shower cap box.

Full Moon: Jan 9, 1:32 A.M.

Full Wolf Moon This full Moon appeared when wolves howled in hunger outside the villages. It is also known as the Old Moon. To some Native American tribes, this was the Snow Moon, but most applied that name to the next full Moon, in February.

Begin diet to gain weight
26,31

Begin diet to lose weight
13,17

Can, pickle, or make sauerkraut
17,18

Cut hair to discourage growth
14,15

Cut hair to encourage growth
3,25,26

Eye on the Sky:

(Special thanks to Bob Berman, as featured in
The 2012 Old Farmer’s Almanac)

The new sky year brings with Jupiter high up on the Aries-Pisces border on at nightfall.

Venus opens its year already conspicuously 20 degrees high in the west at nightfall and sits next to faint-blue Neptune on the 11th-12th. Mars, in Leo and rapidly brightening (it will double in the course of the month), rises just after 10:00 P.M. and is nicely high at midnight. Saturn, in Virgo, rises at 1:30 A.M.

The Moon hovers above Jupiter on the 2nd and on the 16th is then near Saturn, to the right of Venus on the 25th, above Venus on the 26th, and to the right of Jupiter on the 29th.

Eppie’s Diary:

Are you sitting comfortably? Good, then I’ll begin.

Something that has always confused me is when people talk of bi-weekly and/or bi-annual. Now, I know that the prefix “bi” means two, so wouldn’t that mean that it is twice weekly, or twice annually? But no, I don’t think it does….Doesn’t it mean every two weeks or in 2 years? No wonder so many people have difficulty with English! It’s my native tongue and even I don’t understand what they mean!

I took my car in to the garage for some repairs and as I was at the desk paying my bill the woman asked if I knew the balance. I said yes, and then went on to jokingly say, I wasn’t happy that it was so much, but what are you going to do?

The woman laughed along with me then said, that it was refreshing to hear someone laugh about it. I would be amazed at how many people throw a fit at the amount owed. But, my question is, they already knew how much it would be, so why be so surprised and grouse about it so loudly?

Oh, well…..

Story about Yogi.

That’s about all for this time. I hope to see you at the next CoffeeKlatsch, until then, take care.

Welcome to CoffeeKlatsch! I am your hostess Eppinese Estelle and I hope you are well.

ECLIPSE:

DECEMBER 10: Total lunar eclipse on the full moon. This eclipse

will be fully visible from Alaska. The Moon

will enter the penumbra at 2:32 a.m. AKST and

will leave the penumbra at 8:32 a.m. AKST.

The eclipse will be partially visible from parts

of North America: Central and western areas

will be able to observe both a penumbral and

umbral eclipse. The Moon will enter the penumbra

at 3:32 a.m. PST and the umbra at 4:45

a.m. PST. A penumbral eclipse will be visible

from most of the East Coast, starting at 6:32

a.m. EST, just before the Moon sets.

Eye on the Sky:

Earth’s two nearest neighbors finally show dramatic improvement in fading evening twilight, Venus stands 10 degrees up on the 1st but twice that height by months’ end. It’s at the left of the moon on the 26th. This is the start of a glorious apparition that will peak in late winter and spring. Mars finally rises before midnight and gains a half magnitude from 0.7 to a conspicuous 0.2, in Leo. Jupiter fades a little but still dominates the night on the Aries-Pisces border.

December 10 brings a total lunar eclipse just before dawn, visible from everywhere expect eastern North America. A nearly full Moon washes out the usually reliable Geminid meteor shower on the 13th and 14th. Winter begins with the solstice on the 22nd at 12:30 am.’s Path

Best Days to:

Stop Smoking: Dec 16, 20

Begin a diet to lose weight: Dec. 16, 20

Begin a diet to gain weight: December 1, 6, 29

Cut hair to encourage growth: Dec, 7, 8, 29, 30

Cut hair to discourage growth: December 14, 15

Have dental care: December 16, 17

Start Projects: Dec. 25, 26

End projects: Dec. 22, 23

That just reminded me: got my hair trimmed and was chatting with the stylist and we exchanging ‘horror’ stories of haircuts gone wrong.

My “Dorothy Hamill” haircut -

Her inverted A-cut…bubble head

Eppie’s Diary:

Continuing on with product labels:

“Warning: May cause drowsiness.” — On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

“Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.” — Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 caliber rifle.

“Do not use orally after using rectally.” — In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

“Turn off motor before using this product.” — On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

“Not to be used as a personal flotation device.” — On a 6×10 inch inflatable picture frame.

“Do not put in mouth.” — On a box of bottle rockets.

“Remove plastic before eating.” — On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

“Not dishwasher safe.” — On a remote control for a TV.

“For lifting purposes only.” — On the box for a car jack.

“Do not put lit candles on phone.” — On the instructions for a cordless phone.

“Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.” — On the packaging for a wristwatch.

Random Thoughts:

Why is it that 68 degrees F in your home feels differently in July than in December?

Things we can learn from the movies:

1. A detective can only solve a case when he has been suspended from duty

2.  All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

3.  The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

4.  Beds have special, L-shaped top sheets. These reach to a woman’s armpit but only to the waist of the man lying beside her.

Ok, since I am not able to be everywhere all the time (shhh, don’t tell my son), I am asking you to send me your observances, eppie(at)turtlezen.com, of funny, odd or whatever (as long as you keep it clean) from everyday life, movies (think along the lines of what I just said) or even bloopers that you catch on TV and I’ll share it here!